The Ninja Pencil

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Apr. 24th, 2009

07:11 pm - Long time!

Hello World, or as C might say:

int main(void)
{
printf("Hello World, you rancid, ugly and craptacular dog-sniffer!");

Return 0;
}

I'm in the early-middle stages of a self-imposed programathon using Visual Basic, C and C++, heading slowly towards a summer of non-tech classes and trying to not slack off on the skills I really want to learn, for the long awaited (dung dung DUUUUNG) Career Change.

Today was gorgeous out, and incidentally the last workday off from a glorious week of doing nothing. (Except said programming bootcamp...) But it was great to finally free up some headspace from the regular world of auditing and regulatory compliance, and all the other crazy and dangerous pursuits of this nature. I wonder sometimes what the rock-n-roll me of 1991 would have to say about my not-so-rock-n-roll self of 2009, but suspect it would be expressive of the mutual contempt I view the same old self with right now. I've always known better than all my other selves - including the older and wiser future selves who will, in return for the wisdom gained, lack the youthful daring, energy and zest I possess right now. Or at least the zest I possessed back in 1991. Possessed... Po-Zest... it sounds like an expedited and intensive toilet-training boot camp for infants.

Wow, I really can talk crap when I have the time.

(4 Comments C'mon in)

Oct. 27th, 2008

06:30 pm - It's that loony, goony and out-of-tuney time again...

It took me a month and half to get my arse into gear this time, but finally...

The Armchair Arsonist just went up on The Footnote!!!!

That place is great, and every one of the contributors has the power of seven regular talented bastards. If you like it, leave me some love at the bottom, and pimp it to your friends.

Tags: cor blimey, dirty, filthy, funny, grimy, slimy, stinky

(2 Comments C'mon in)

Oct. 19th, 2008

07:55 pm - Twitter

Okay, I just signed up for Twitter - it better suits my attention span than a blog.
If anyone has this and wants to add me, my username is chris__cox (with two consecutive underscores).

If anyone else has it, let me know your user name.

(16 Comments C'mon in)

Sep. 22nd, 2008

07:52 pm - Shout outs

Tonight I want to shout out to two of my friends.

Firstly, we spent yesterday eating and drinking ale with Pete Allen, drpearce who we have been very close friends with for the last 8 years. This has been so long overdue; there are many people we have known, but Pete is part of the tribe. He is phenomenal - a wonderful man I am proud to know. He's also hysterically funny - I haven't laughed as much since I hid my sister's insulin.

And the second kudos is to Adam P Knave, murnkay for the sale of his first novel, Stays Crunchy in Milk to Creative Guy Publishing.

I have heard wonderful praise for this book; I cannot wait to read it.

(8 Comments C'mon in)

Sep. 21st, 2008

08:26 am - Hyannis

Just got back from a week's vacation in Hyannis on Cape Cod. My parents came over - it's the first time I've seen them since I moved here 4 years ago, so that was great. My sis and her boyfriend came too, and we had a fine, manic, chaotic and beer-filled time. And I purchased several rubber chickens for my work colleagues, because they are too great to pass on by.

This week we saw the weather turn from Summer to Autumn. On Tuesday we were scorching on the beach, but by Thursday we were huddled by the barbeque in hoods. I love this time of year.

A nasty Cape Cod souvenir I didn't buy (and can't shake from my mind) is this collection of pickled foetal sharks in glass jars. I was told that yes, they are real, and hence they worked their way into my freaky dreams on Saturday night.

Best of all is the post-vacation feeling of starting over, rebooting your mindset, setting new (more relevant) goals, ditching the entropy that kicks in when a break is long overdue and generally feeling revitalized. And Hyannis is gorgeous. So is Provincetown, right on the end of the Cape.

(11 Comments C'mon in)

Sep. 6th, 2008

07:57 am - backflipping

I'm about to embark upon a Jedi-style balancing mission for the next twelve weeks. This will include writing, working, school and maintaining this generally lovable, jovial and modest persona. I have grown very fond of owning all this free time.

In other news, check out my tantalizing and mouth watering column, THE ARMCHAIR ARSONIST

(11 Comments C'mon in)

Sep. 4th, 2008

05:04 pm - That pee-your-pants-in-excitement time again

Check out the second crazy, jiving and very hi-fiving installment of my regular and lovely column: THE ARMCHAIR ARSONIST, at The Footnote

I love that place. Pimp it out among friends and foe alike.

Tags: footnote

Current Mood: jubilant

(8 Comments C'mon in)

Aug. 19th, 2008

05:03 pm - Tenacious

I scored me a new column, "The Armchair Arsonist", at my favorite humor zine,
The Footnote

Check out the first installment: Song in F-Minor

(17 Comments C'mon in)

Aug. 14th, 2008

07:39 pm - This may be the coolest thing I have ever seen

The Blood Splatter Pillow

(18 Comments C'mon in)

Aug. 1st, 2008

06:59 pm - Writerly Nonsense

For the first time in ages I have interesting news...

My agent Donna just approached Ben Affleck and Matt Damon's production company, Pearl Street Productions, to see if they'd be interested in reading Tempest of Leeds, (the book formerly known as Meat). I hafta gotta betta get the script finished. It's been hovering at about 55 pages for about a year now. This may just light a fire under my hiney.

In other news, I've received four rejections from The New Yorker, one from Reason Magazine, one from Archaeology Mag and one from RI monthly in July. A very productive month. I only know this because I made a funky stylin' submission tracker in Excel, and seeing all the blank rows has shamed me into submitting like a lunatic. I'm driven by the urge to use a legitimate data-sort on my own work, which feels kind of silly when you only have three things to rearrange by the various criteria.

(9 Comments C'mon in)

Jul. 27th, 2008

10:00 pm - Sweet...

We just overhauled / rebuilt ajjones's website, and it looks pretty fine :)
I even figured out the secret of the .ico trick, to make the pretty little graphic in the address bar! Check it out:

AdrienneJones.net

(4 Comments C'mon in)

Jul. 20th, 2008

09:10 am - Sweatin' like a hog

Our subscription to The New Yorker ended with this last issue, and I don't think I wanna re-subscribe. Awesomely though, it's the one with the funny Obama cover everyone's been bellyaching about.

I mostly like the mag, but some of their articles have made my neck twitch in the last coupla months - namely Hendrick Hertzberg's opinion that women have got nothing to complain about in comparison with ethnic minorities. Obviously this guy hasn't heard of Mathew Hopkins, Witchfinder General, or Montague Summers, misogynist author from the same era propagating the 'keep women in line or burn them' attitude, or even a little book called Malleus Malefactorum - The Hammer of Witches - an instruction manual on how to tell is a woman is actually a witch, and what to do about it if she is.

Self-proclaimed intellectuals are okay up until the point they forget that they too can be more about the status than the thoughts they publish. And if anyone questions their superior wisdom, MAN do they get catty!

(8 Comments C'mon in)

May. 8th, 2008

12:35 pm - Oh. My. God.

Hackers break into Epilespy Foundation website and cover it with flashing pictures, causing users to have migraines and near-seizures...

Rotten Bastards

(18 Comments C'mon in)

Apr. 24th, 2007

09:02 pm - Gimme the keys

I never learned to type properly. I evolved unguided and became a ‘hunt and peckspert’. So although I now type fast, my hands resemble broken-legged drunks trying to sprint. Numerous work colleagues have enjoyed the spectacle. My fingers dance like Fred and Ginger high on crack and bleach. Alas, I finally got some software to learn the RIGHT way. It features a friendly Viking assistant – which Adrienne claims is included so guys won’t feel gay learning to type - and so far we’ve covered adsf, jkl and I’ve typed the entirety of this post the old, bad way. It’s like sneaking in a cigarette after you’ve quit. Ahhhhhh. Love complacency. Hate discipline. Love laziness. But would hate arthritis too. So in an evolved game of Rock, Paper, Scissors – Back to School beats Crippled, Agonized Meathooks when I’m Too Old to Pee Standing Up every time.

(11 Comments C'mon in)

Feb. 14th, 2007

10:11 am - Flashback

The village I come from, Bolton on Dearne, is always just getting dark. There is no morning or afternoon – unless it’s a solar eclipse or a storm of such proportions that renders the sky getting dark. And as a result, the people are mostly pasty white and grumpy, and blokes really like punching each other in the face. It’s important to establish your hardness, otherwise you’re probably a homosexual.

The post-pub contingent do nothing but sit watching TV, drinking coffee and smoking, then going to work down the factories and talking about what they saw on TV. For entertainment, you could probably find a ten-year-old punk on a skateboard in St. Andrew’s Square, trying for the first time to do kickflips before showing you his middle finger and walking off, carrying the board. Failing that you could go to one of the random pubs and suffer some drunk Karaoke or suicide jukebox music amongst obnoxious wankers who will sooner or later get rowdy. Or you could drink beer and eat fish and chips sitting in the cemetery listening to the distant murmurs of apathy and dissent, until you realize you’re really bored and a bit cold and your arse hurts because these benches are horrible and ancient.

The automobile was my saviour.

Current Mood: nostalgic

(42 Comments C'mon in)

Oct. 3rd, 2006

11:34 am - Open letter to drivers

Dear road users,

Car horns, although effective to signal impending danger, are not a medium through which to express your impatience and frustration.

The world is too stressful and obnoxious already, without your Neanderthal, drum-banging club-wielding backward, pre-civilization contributions.

Words don’t exist to illustrate how hard and violently you should be beaten for blaring your horn at anyone who slows down, hesitates a second, drives slower than you or basically doesn’t conform to your aggressive way of life.

If you blast on your horn for no good reason, I hope you combust and die, blistering horribly before dribbling out onto the pavement in silence, and allowing the world once again to be quiet. You complete bastards.

Chris

(11 Comments C'mon in)